The Stench of Honolulu by Jack Handey:
I hit bottom. As much as I hated to, I decided to eat crow. But crows are a lot harder to catch than you think. Hungry and depressed, I wandered along the shimmering waters of the Bay of Diarroa, where children were playing with sailboats.
As I dragged myself back to the hotel, I passed the statue of Sir Edmund Honolulu. A bum with a blowtorch was cutting on it. “Hey, buddy, wanna buy a metal arm?” he said. Sure I would, but with what?
I had dreams once. Once I wanted to build the world’s longest suspension bridge. But then I found out someone else had already done it.