Tuesday, October 12, 2021

the last book I ever read (Based on a True Story: Not a Memoir by Norm Macdonald, excerpt nine)

from Based on a True Story: Not a Memoir by Norm Macdonald:

Rocco looked me over as the guards left.

“What are you in for?” he asked. I explained the whole situation with Sarah Silverman and Dave Attell and then I asked him the same. “Triple murder,” he said.

I was shocked; any fool knows you can’t murder a man more than once, and I told Rocco as much. He’d been railroaded on those last two counts, and I let him know I’d be more than happy to become his jailhouse lawyer and dedicate my life to gaining his freedom. After all, becoming a jailhouse lawyer had been a boyhood dream of mine, and here I was with an opportunity to make it come true! I knew logically that Rocco was completely innocent of at least two of the crimes he’d been convicted of. And I believed in my heart that he was most likely innocent of the other one too. After all, if a man is innocent of two murders, odds are he’s innocent of two murders, odds are he’s innocent of the third. That’s just grade-school arithmetic. I couldn’t wait to get in front of that jury. I planned to go to the prison library first thing in the morning and start reading law books. And I’d had a little head start too. You see, I had seen every single episode of Matlock many times over.



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