Wednesday, April 30, 2025

the last book I ever read (Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray, excerpt ten)

from The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde:

The worship of the senses has often, and with much justice, been decried, men feeling a natural instinct of terror about passions and sensations that seem stronger than themselves, and that they are conscious of sharing with the less highly organized forms of existence. But it appeared to Dorian Gray that the true nature of the senses had never been understood, and that they had remained savage and animal merely because the world had sought to starve them into submission or to kill them by pain, instead of aiming at making them elements of a new spirituality, of which a fine instinct for beauty was to be the dominant characteristic. As he looked back upon man moving through history, he was haunted by a feeling of loss. So much had been surrendered! and to such little purpose! There had been mad wilful rejections, monstrous forms of self-torture and self-denial, whose origin was fear and whose result was a degradation infinitely more terrible than that fancied degradation from which, in their ignorance, they had sought to escape; Nature, in her wonderful irony, driving out the anchorite to feed with the wild animals of the desert and giving to the hermit the beasts of the field as his companions.

Yes: there was to be, as Lord Henry had prophesied, a new Hedonism that was to recreate life and to save it from that harsh uncomely puritanism that is having, in our own day, its curious revival. It was to have its service of the intellect, certainly, yet it was never to accept any theory or system that would involve the sacrifice of any mode of passionate experience. Its aim, indeed, was to be experience itself, and not the fruits of experience, sweet or bitter as they might be. Of the asceticism that deadens the senses, as of the vulgar profligacy that dulls them, it was to know nothing. But it was to teach man to concentrate himself upon the moments of a life that is itself but a moment.



Tuesday, April 29, 2025

the last book I ever read (Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray, excerpt nine)

from The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde:

A feeling of pain crept over him as he thought of the desecration that was in store for the fair face on the canvas. Once, in boyish mockery of Narcissus, he had kissed, or feigned to kiss, those painted lips that now smiled so cruelly at him. Morning after morning he had sat before the portrait wondering at its beauty, almost enamoured of it, as it seemed to him at times. Was it to alter now with every mood to which he yielded? Was it to become a monstrous and loathsome thing, to be hidden away in a locked room, to be shut out from the sunlight that had so often touched to brighter gold the waving wonder of its hair? The pity of it! the pity of it!



Monday, April 28, 2025

the last book I ever read (Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray, excerpt eight)

from The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde:

The lad frowned. “I don’t like that explanation, Harry,” he rejoined, “but I am glad you don’t think I am heartless. I am nothing of the kind. I know I am not. And yet I must admit that this thing that has happened does not affect me as it should. It seems to me to be simply like a wonderful ending to a wonderful play. It has all the terrible beauty of a Greek tragedy, a tragedy in which I took a great part, but by which I have not been wounded.”

“It is an interesting question,” said Lord Henry, who found an exquisite pleasure in playing on the lad’s unconscious egotism, “an extremely interesting question. I fancy that the true explanation is this: It often happens that the real tragedies of life occur in such an inartistic manner that they hurt us by their crude violence, their absolute incoherence, their absurd want of meaning, their entire lack of style. They affect us just as vulgarity affects us. They give us an impression of sheer brute force, and we revolt against that. Sometimes, however, a tragedy that possesses artistic elements of beauty crosses our lives. If these elements of beauty are real, the whole thing simply appeals to our sense of dramatic effect. Suddenly we find that we are no longer the actors, but the spectators of the play. Or rather we are both. We watch ourselves, and the mere wonder of the spectacle enthralls us. In the present case, what is it that has really happened? Some one has killed herself for love of you. I wish that I had ever had such an experience. It would have made me in love with love for the rest of my life. The people who have adored me—there have not been very many, but there have been some—have always insisted on living on, long after I had ceased to care for them, or they to care for me. They have become stout and tedious, and when I meet them, they go in at once for reminiscences. That awful memory of woman! What a fearful thing it is! And what an utter intellectual stagnation it reveals! One should absorb the colour of life, but one should never remember its details. Details are always vulgar.”



Sunday, April 27, 2025

the last book I ever read (Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray, excerpt seven)

from The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde:

“Harry, you are dreadful! I don’t know why I like you so much.”

“You will always like me, Dorian,” he replied. “Will you have some coffee, you fellows? Waiter, bring coffee, and fine-champagne, and some cigarettes. No, don’t mind the cigarettes—I have some. Basil, I can’t allow you to smoke cigars. You must have a cigarette. A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want? Yes, Dorian, you will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you have never had the courage to commit.”



Saturday, April 26, 2025

the last book I ever read (Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray, excerpt six)

from The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde:

“Women are wonderfully practical,” murmured Lord Henry, “much more practical than we are. In situations of that kind we often forget to say anything about marriage, and they always remind us.”



Friday, April 25, 2025

the last book I ever read (Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray, excerpt five)

from The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde:

“Never marry a woman with straw-coloured hair, Dorian,” he said after a few puffs.

“Why, Harry?”

“Because they are so sentimental.”

“But I like sentimental people.”

“Never marry at all, Dorian. Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious: both are disappointed.”



Thursday, April 24, 2025

the last book I ever read (Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray, excerpt four)

from The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde:

“How sad it is!” murmured Dorian Gray with his eyes still fixed upon his own portrait. “How sad it is! I shall grow old, and horrible, and dreadful. But this picture will remain always young. It will never be older than this particular day of June. . . . If it were only the other way! If it were I who was to be always young, and the picture that was to grow old! For that—for that—I would give everything! Yes, there is nothing in the whole world I would not give! I would give my soul for that!”



Wednesday, April 23, 2025

the last book I ever read (Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray, excerpt three)

from The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde:

Lord Henry looked at him. Yes, he was certainly wonderfully handsome, with his finely curved scarlet lips, his frank blue eyes, his crisp gold hair. There was something in his face that made one trust him at once. All the candour of youth was there, as well as all youth’s passionate purity. One felt that he had kept himself unspotted from the world. No wonder Basil Hallward worshipped him.



Tuesday, April 22, 2025

the last book I ever read (Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray, excerpt two)

from The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde:

“I think you are wrong, Basil, but I won’t argue with you. It is only the intellectually lost who ever argue. Tell me, is Dorian Gray very fond of you?”

The painter considered for a few moments. “He likes me,” he answered after a pause; “I know he likes me. Of course I flatter him dreadfully. I find a strange pleasure in saying things to him that I know I shall be sorry for having said. As a rule, he is charming to me, and we sit in the studio and talk of a thousand things. Now and then, however, he is horribly thoughtless, and seems to take a real delight in giving me pain. Then I feel, Harry, that I have given away my whole soul to some one who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity, an ornament for a summer’s day.”



Monday, April 21, 2025

the last book I ever read (Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray, excerpt one)

from The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde:

Lord Henry elevated his eyebrows and looked at him in amazement through the thin blue wreaths of smoke that curled up in such fanciful whorls from his heavy, opium-tainted cigarette. “Not send it anywhere? My dear fellow, why? Have you any reason? What odd chaps you painters are! You do anything in the world to gain a reputation. As soon as you have one, you seem to want to throw it away. It is silly of you, for there is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. A portrait like this would set you far above all the young men in England, and make the old men quite jealous, if old men are ever capable of any emotion.”

“I know you will laugh at me,” he replied, “but I really can’t exhibit it. I have put too much of myself into it.”



Saturday, April 19, 2025

the last book I ever read (Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe, excerpt thirteen)

from Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe:

So O’Connor wrote her book and now I’ve written mine. In between I managed to string miles and miles of tin cans together until they reached all the way across the ocean. When we Zoomed, I had so much to ask her, so many things that I wanted to say and couldn’t say. After we went through all the standard interview questions, which she answered coherently and candidly, O’Connor and I spoke at some length about Dylan and his influence. At one point she started reciting some of his song titles, which I started scribbling down on a Post-it note.

As she ticked them off, she looked off to the side and her speech slowed. She seemed to be losing herself for a moment, as though she were reliving something, rather than just listing titles or remembering songs. After the interview, while I was waiting for her to send me the recording she’d made of her side of our conversation, I put together a playlist. The next day I popped on my headphones and pulled it up as I started vacuuming my house—a chore I’d long neglected as I prepped for the call.



Friday, April 18, 2025

the last book I ever read (Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe, excerpt twelve)

from Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe:

Born in 1958, the same year as Michael Jackson, Prince broke through rock’s racist barrier at roughly the same time. His first attempt, like Jackson’s, was not successful. Although he was personally invited by Mick Jagger to open for the Rolling Stones at the LA Coliseum in 1981, when Prince took the stage in a see-through jacket, thigh-high boots, and black bikini pants, the headlining act’s 90,000-plus audience was not receptive.

Even though Prince’s setlist leaned toward the rock spectrum of his repertoire, with songs like “Bambi” and “When You Were Mine,” the audience booed, shouting racist and homophobic rants, then started pelting Prince and his band with food and bottles. Promoter Bill Graham jumped onstage, trying to calm the audience, but to no avail. By the fourth song, Prince was forced to leave the stage, understandably distraught by the experience.



Thursday, April 17, 2025

the last book I ever read (Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe, excerpt eleven)

from Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe:

If you’re exhausted and depressed by what I’ve just told you about O’Connor’s life post-1992, imagine what it must have been like to live it on repeat. As Guardian columnist Suzanne Moore once observed, it was impossible to name another woman who could generate the kind of publicity O’Connor did over the years without taking her clothes off. But it was never the good kind of publicity, the kind that would have helped her to revive and sustain a musical career on her own terms. Fifteen years after SNL, O’Connor was selling lots of newspapers, but not records.



Wednesday, April 16, 2025

the last book I ever read (Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe, excerpt ten)

from Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe:

Robert Christgau had grossly underestimated O’Connor when, in 1990, he dismissed her as a “folkie Madonna.” Jon Pareles was the one who had it right when he noted that for all of Madonna’s attempts to shock with sex, “O’Connor [had] stole[ n] the spotlight with one photograph of a fully-clothed man.”

Pareles pointed out that if a male artist or band had torn up a picture of the pope, it would have scarcely made a ripple. Male rebels were lionized, while women were crucified. But more than simply seeing herself as a rebel, O’Connor saw herself as a specific kind of antihero who believed herself to be the “property of Jesus,” in the mold of the Christian-era Bob Dylan.

It was Dylan whom O’Connor most emulated, whose music had sustained her through the difficult years of her childhood and adolescence. Dylan knew what it was like to really be misunderstood, rejected, and criticized for who he was—for everything from his appearance to the sound of his voice to his right to make the kind of music he wanted to.



Tuesday, April 15, 2025

the last book I ever read (Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe, excerpt nine)

from Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe:

In that resistance O’Connor found a raison d’être. She was finally being recognized as the protest singer she had always wanted to be. She knew that her willingness to express herself authentically, and without the slightest concern for professional self-preservation, made her dangerous, but also powerful. All Andrew Dice Clay could do in the face of it was to call her “the bald chick.” All Frank Sinatra could do was to call her “a stupid broad.” Those were just names. She’d experienced and survived far worse than that.



Monday, April 14, 2025

the last book I ever read (Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe, excerpt eight)

from Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe:

When audiences first heard that “Nothing Compares 2 U” was penned by Prince, many mistakenly thought O’Connor was just another of his many protégés, and many still do. In fact, “Nothing Compares 2 U” wasn’t even known as a Prince song when she put it out, and it was never a major song in his repertoire. It was first recorded and released by one of his side projects, The Family, in 1985, and went absolutely nowhere. This was the same year O’Connor signed her recording contract with Ensign, before anyone outside of Ireland knew who she was.

Prince didn’t release his own version of “Nothing Compares 2 U” as a single until 1993—as a duet with Rosie Gaines, who actually was one of his protégés. This was three years after O’Connor put it on the map, it blew up, and it became her signature song. Prince played no part in mentoring her career, her decision to sing the song, its arrangement, its recording, or its release. All he did was cash the check for the songwriting royalties, a business transaction that entailed the personal involvement of neither party.



Sunday, April 13, 2025

the last book I ever read (Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe, excerpt seven)

from Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe:

At the same time, she was scheduled to perform “Mandinka,” at the ceremony. Her late-night appearance on Letterman aside, this would be her first exposure on primetime US network TV. There would be tens of millions of people watching, a chance for her to make her mark without any of the awkwardness she experienced in her interviews, without having to slog through dumb questions about her haircut or her days as a kiss-o-gram girl.

Had she been careerist, O’Connor could have played it safe that night, lip-syncing her way through her song and ending with a gracious smile and a bow. Instead, she used her appearance to call attention to inequities in the industry. As a fuck-you to the label heads, O’Connor wore her son Jake’s sleep suit tied behind her waist—a subtle gesture that audiences might have missed. But they could not miss that she performed with an enormous gold Public Enemy logo shaved into the side of her close-cropped hair, a symbol of her solidarity with rap artists who had been erased from the program.



Saturday, April 12, 2025

the last book I ever read (Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe, excerpt six)

from Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe:

To promote her debut album, The Lion and the Cobra, O’Connor had tried the traditional route, traveling across Europe and sitting for upwards of ten traditional press interviews a day, while also caring for her son, Jake, who was only a few months old. She was exhausted and painfully self-conscious, and, unlike Madonna, terrible at self-promotion.

But she was excellent at expressing herself through her music, an asset not lost on John Maybury, an edgy young director who got his start working with the experimental filmmaker Derek Jarman. Whereas the first music videos were low-budget affairs, they had since become high-concept films with sophisticated plots and storylines, something Maybury could work with.

When he met up with O’Connor in Dublin to direct the music video for her lead single, “Troy,” Maybury recognized that her look was central to her brand. Rather than concealing it, he suggested that she shave her buzzcut hair completely, then filmed her set against a pitch-black background, and then again in an open field that was deeply saturated in black and white.



Friday, April 11, 2025

the last book I ever read (Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe, excerpt five)

from Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe:

He and Quincy Jones worked their way through more than seven hundred demos for his next solo studio album, Thriller. They consciously brought in a mix of musical genres, looking to transcend radio format boundaries and reach the broadest possible audience. When they got to “Beat It,” Jones encouraged Jackson to work with a rock icon. After Pete Townshend turned down the request, Jackson tapped Eddie Van Halen, who agreed to play guitar on the track and ended up assisting Jackson on the arrangement. Whether or not Van Halen’s blistering solos set a monitor speaker on fire during the recording sessions, as legend has it, his contributions did stamp “Beat It” as legit for rock stations.

It’s notable that Van Halen wasn’t paid for his work, nor did he initially take credit for it. He’s said to have asked for only a case of beer and a dance lesson from Jackson as compensation. This has often been described as an expression of his modesty, or, more practically, his desire not to violate the terms of his band’s noncompete agreement. But it’s at least as likely that he was reluctant to be seen as crossing the line into R&B.

Van Halen could not have known then that after its November 1982 release, Thriller would go on to be the first major label album to debut worldwide, the first to be marketed to multiple radio formats simultaneously, and the first to be worked for a marathon stretch of two years, with seven songs being pushed as singles rather than the usual two or three.



Thursday, April 10, 2025

the last book I ever read (Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe, excerpt four)

from Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe:

But in 1977, a decade into its run, Wenner declared San Francisco a “cultural backwater” and moved Rolling Stone’s operations to New York, a sign that the self-professed voice of the antiestablishment was comfortable with becoming the establishment. The magazine was no longer able to lay claim to leading or even reflecting the zeitgeist; bands began to sell the covers rather than the other way around. As its core readership aged and rock’s glory began to fade, Rolling Stone expanded its coverage to include A-list celebrities, entertainment, and pop culture.



Wednesday, April 9, 2025

the last book I ever read (Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe, excerpt three)

from Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe:

When the Grammys were over, O’Connor returned to Ireland and brought Jake’s sleep suit to her mother’s grave, where she rested it on her tombstone. In her memoir she described this gesture as bringing her mother a “souvenir” from the show, but my gut tells me that it’s more like a sacrifice—a memento of loss symbolic of the grandchild she would never meet, the daughter’s success she would never share. 9 The image is beautiful, and heartbreaking, and, in a way, representative of who O’Connor was: not fearless or flawless, but wounded and courageous.



Tuesday, April 8, 2025

the last book I ever read (Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe, excerpt two)

from Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe:

When I was six years old, I thought the coolest girl in the world was Leather Tuscadero on Happy Days, having no idea that she was played by an even cooler real-life girl, Suzi Quatro (both girls were way cooler than Fonzie). Two years later, Leather Tuscadero was supplanted by the sunglasses-donning, cigarette-smoke-blowing, trash-talking Betty Rizzo. I vividly remember seeing Grease in a second-run movie theater with a couple of girls from the neighborhood. They were swooning for Danny, but I was tuning in to another frequency altogether.

When Rizzo started into “There are Worse Things I Could Do” and got to the part where she belts out, “I don’t steal and I don’t lie, but I can feel and I can cry, a fact I’ll bet you never knew, but to cry in front of you, that’s the worst thing I could do . . .” I had to bolt for the bathroom stall, where I bawled my eyes out, hurting for the both of us, isolated and alone.



Monday, April 7, 2025

the last book I ever read (Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe, excerpt one)

from Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters by Allyson McCabe:

When he arrived, they were in the middle of recording a song called “Troy,” a hauntingly mesmerizing account of love and betrayal, set in a lush bed of symphonic strings. O’Connor’s voice shifts from sorrow to fury and back again, referencing the slaying of dragons, the rising of the phoenix from the flame.

One of the lines in the refrain, “There is no other Troy for you to burn,” was drawn from W. B. Yeats’s poem “No Second Troy.” It was published in 1916 for his beloved Maud Gonne, a revolutionary for Irish independence and women’s rights, who had shattered him by spurning his affection.