So when Elizabeth confided that her two collapses had come as she sank once again into “just plain grief” after “so many sad deaths the past few years, so much insanity, so many god-awful experiences, & so much time lost forever,” fearing above all that her new “unsuitable” love was only likely to “bring more grief & loss,” she was testing Alice, even as Elizabeth insisted she didn’t mean to burden the younger woman. This “awful tail-spin” was “not your fault.” How would Alice respond when Elizabeth foretold the worst—a day, probably soon, when I’ll have to see you going off with someone more suitable—and I’ll have somehow to turn into just being a ‘good friend’ etc.”? Elizabeth loathed the thought of “your coming to call on me in my ‘flat’ in Boston, & bringing me a bunch of flowers or something. Or your feeling you have to be ‘nice’ to an old lady because she is fond of you--& you’ll be dying to get away & go skiing or swimming or love-making with your young man—I really hope I die first.”
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